The Laws of Physics for Cats
- Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate until the cat gets good and ready to stop.
- Aerodynamics: If it flies, a cat will chase it.
- Bag or Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
- Dinner Table Attendance: A cat will attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest the cat.
- Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
- Elongation: A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to the cat's embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
- Energy Conservation - 1st Law: A cat knows that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.
- Energy Conservation- 2nd Law: A cat knows that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
- Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace its own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
- Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
- Gravity: The cat knows that gravity works, even when sound asleep.
- Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
- Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
- Milk Consumption: A cat will drink its weight in milk, squared, just to show you that the cat can do it.
- Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
- Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in direct proportion to a human's desire for the cat to do something.
- Obstruction: A cat will lay on the floor in such a position as to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
- Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek (and usually take over) the most comfortable spot in any given room.
- Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
- Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
- Sleeping: A cat will sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as possible, while maintaining the cat's own comfort.
- Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Total Composition: A cat is composed of Matter plus Anti-Matter plus It Doesn't Matter!
- Selective Listening: A cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, but cannot hear a simple command three feet away.
- Invisibility: A cat thinks if they cannot see you, then you cannot see them.
KC demonstrates the 14th Law of Cat Physics: Inertia